(Picture by the ‘say no to bullying campaign Facebook 2012)
It makes my heart break every single day when I see people hurting, the look in people’s eyes that instantly tell you that they are NOT OK. The look of hopelessness, powerlessness and the feeling of nothing ever getting better.
Last night my partner read out a status on Facebook:
“Warning, What I am about to say may offend some people, But it is MY opinion.
I am very saddened to hear the news of *name*, Very tragic indeed.. And Bullying is wrong, I HATE bullies! I was bullied at school, and through most of my teenage years, so I know what it feels like to be bullied!.. However, Suicide is a cowards way out, and a selfish one too! Suicide is NOT the answer! It only makes things worse, think about the people you leave behind, family and friends are devastated and hurt by the loss of their loved ones. If you are being bullied, please seek help, talk to family, friends, Councillors, lifeline, anyone. RIP *name* , My thoughts and prayers are with your family..”
I am absolutely heart broken when I hear these stories of young people losing their battle to bullying. My entire teenage years was about running away from those bullied me and tormented me every single day. Throughout my high school years I lost 2 friends to suicide from bullying and another from other reasons.
Sometimes I wonder how many more children/adolescents/adults/older adults have to kill themselves before something is seriously put into place to stop it. I understand people will say that there is nothing that will stop it completely and that is fine. However, there has to be a better way to control it.
Stories like this make me angry as well, and this is where a lot of people will have a different opinion to me. For you to all understand my opinion or to better understand where I am coming from, I think I should tell you about what i went through.
Started in year 8.
I wasn’t really bullying until i started high school, of course there was always the primary school banter; if you don’t give me that i wont be your friend, or your mean I’m not your friend any more… and that basically was it until high school .Everyone thought they were better then everyone, and hitting year 8 (SA) was where most people started to grow up a little, people started to ‘like boys’ and have crushes and wear make up, (for me anyways) and all that grown up stuff. (sexuality wasn’t really explored as much as it is now in year 8/ and even primary school these days it seems). I didn’t even know what any of the language was that most of the boys were using!! Anyways, sorry I am doing that thing where I get off topic!
I started out in a new high school, most of my friends went from the private Primary school to the private Highschool that coincided with it and so I was left to basically fend for myself. I love getting to know people, and I love making new friends, so in some way I wasn’t too fussed about starting somewhere I didn’t know anyone. I did 7 weeks of year 8 before I was so far in front of all the classes that the school decided to put me into year 9. I started year nine as all the kids I got to know in year 8 went on their year 8 camp.
I started year 9 on a Wednesday and I was put in all the different classes, so I felt lost once again, I just followed people from class to class and ended up finally in my favourite class P.E!! WOO! Finally somewhere I could do my thing, run around and not really have to interact with anyone apart from yelling out hey you pass me the ball, or something to that extent! 😉 We were playing basketball and that is MY sport, I love it, I played it, Reffed it, watched it, drew about, talked about it and slept about it! It was just my favourite thing to do. We picked teams and I ended up on the team with most of the guys. Most of the girls were all in their own groups and just didn’t really want to play. I didn’t really think anything of it nor care, i just wanted to play basketball.
P.E, started and finished and we headed back to the change rooms, I finished changing in the open girls changing area as there were no doors on most of the cubicles which meant i had to face my fear of my private space being invaded (JEEEZZZZ). I walked out and headed over to the door waiting to be told that we could go. As I strolled out these two chicks started yelling out at me, so I turned and walked back over to find out what was going on, considering I didn’t know how everything worked yet i just figured I was doing the wrong thing.
I walked over and they started hurling abuse at me, I was taken back a bit and I wasn’t sure how to act, firstly because I had been brought up in a private school so most abuse was frowned upon but also , I was like what the heck!?? So I asked them what was going on and they starting asking me why I wanted the guys, and why I thought it was ok to just go after boys I didn’t know, especially if they had girlfriends, and started pointing out who were ‘their guys’. For me it was like :O are these girls serious, I don’t even want a boyfriend, I just loved sport and friends and that was it i was 14 for goodness sake!
I told them I didn’t want their boys and walked off, I walked out of the gym and went over to the water fountain for some water when I heard someone yell at me and I turned and it was one of the girls. I kind of said “what do you want now?” and she slapped me. A massive automatic tears in the eyes stinging slap! I just stood there waiting for my face to calm down. Lets call her Rachel. Rachel started going off at me saying “I slapped you, you want to fight now, Come on, lets fight.” I wasn’t really scared at all, I just stood my ground and kept telling her “that NO, I would not fight her and that why would I fight her she hasn’t done anything wrong.”
I walked off again, and by the time I started walking off, there was a nice amount of people starting to mill around, and group. I was so not sure what was going on in my head, and honestly I could not tell you what I was thinking, this was so far gone in a mental way it doesn’t play like that in my head. I walked off towards another area of the school, when lets say we call the other chick Sarah came along. Sarah brought her friends Kaitlyn, and Brooke (all fake names). They circled me and then kind of said “fine she doesn’t want to fight let her go.” Thank GOD FOR THAT! I was freaking out I am sure. I am pretty sure I pulled out the whole “I won’t hit you, just because you hit me” comment. Which I look back now and just think “DEFEND”. (LOL)
I was like that is out I am out of here, for the last time through that lunch time, I walked off. Except this time I walked straight into Kaitlyn, who had set her self up right in front of the only other corridor I could get out of. She just stood there, I asked her multiple times to get out of my way, and she just kept standing there so I kind of tried stepping around and her and that’s when my body was shoved against the brick wall. The other girls I mentioned all of them, came at me, and I was absolutely smashed up. I felt fists, feet, rings, spit, anything I could imagine felt like it was hitting me every Punch and Kick felt like someone had just smashed me over the head by a brick. I don’t know what was going through my head at the time I just knew i had to protect my head as much as I could. My bag had been ripped off my back and it was being hurled at me.
FINALLY!
A substitute teacher came over and started ripping the girls off me. Started telling them off, making them stop. I remember he just walked away after he made all the kids leave. I walked through the corridors at the High School, felt like I was floating around. I knew I was concussed. I knew I was bleeding but not sure where just needed to get to a safe place.
I found a couple girls who befriended me from a year above me and they stopped me and asked me what happened, I was taken to the office where they contacted my dad and he came in about a second since we lived down the road from the school. I had to walk around the school looking for the girls to point them out, and then I wanted to go back to class! The teachers thought I was crazy. I went to science and I walked in and as I walked in one of the girls started screaming at me and threw a chair at me. So I was sent to the office again where the science director helped me and taught me there.
I went home and I was not feeling well at all. I was taken to hospital where i spend a few days. The doctor told dad and me that If the sub teacher hadn’t come when he did they most likely would have killed me. My brain was swollen, my back and head were bruised I had a major concussion to the point where I could not open my eyes unless it was pitch black.
I went to school about a week later I wasn’t allowed out of hospital for a few days and I wasn’t allowed to go back to school until dad and mum thought I was ok. When i did go back, One of the girls was suspended for 4 days, one was excluded for 10 weeks. However, this was just the start of my high school life of being bullied.
We reported the girls to the police where we had to sit a family court meeting not an actual court case just a family one. Both of them had to do something that related to what they liked ie. singing and one drawing. But they had to relate it to Bullying…..
I need to stop here.. I will continue soon! It’s a lot to read. We aren’t even up to my thoughts yet!
I hope people read this without bitterness, but with a feeling of wanting to know how I got through what I did and how I am the person I am today.
P&CC xx.
picklesandchookchook 