I hope you all feel as though me writing about my bullying isn’t about getting sympathy or feeling sorry for me, Its about me being able to get my story out there and show people that you can overcome. As I continue to write please let me know how you feel, ask questions….
It didn’t end with the girls almost killing me. They never really learnt. They continued to bully me for the rest of the year.
I am not only talking physical bullying here, I am talking verbal and emotional. After going through a police family conference and pretty much allowing these girls to walk free. I thought that maybe, just maybe, they would have learnt and would take on the second chance I gave them. I am certainly not someone who carries bitterness and I love forgiving people. I just do. I forgave these girls before they even apologized. No, I am not saying wave a flag and call me a hero, I am just stating that is the kind of person I am.
I spend the next few weeks at school staying away from pretty much every single person at the school. I was good at that, I tried to hide on the courts away from all the girls. Except this is where I found my second group of bullies, the guys……
Everyone would assume that they would leave a girl alone, as you know they get taught to be gentlemen. This school had no gentlemen. In fact, their parents should be pretty embarrassed by them. One boy in particular just seemed to hate me for no reason, I mean NO REASON! I think he once said its because I came up to him and introduced myself, and then one arvo after school i must have seen him and waved because he yelled at me the next day for waving… (don’t ask I have no idea, just shake your head, believe me you will do a lot of this).
I spose, I should tell you that in year 7, I shaved all my hair off for leukemia, I raised quite a bit of money, and I loved every second of it. Cancer has been throughout my family and I saw it as being able to be them for a day, or a few days. Feeling how one materialistic thing can make you so uncomfortable in your skin… Of course this would be my hair. However, this proved to get the opposite kind of reaction out of these kids, they tormented me for the entire year about looking like a male, shemale, he-she, anything that you can think of I was called. It was truly horrible.
So these boys took it upon themselves to absolutely attack me verbally whenever they could. One in particular like i said earlier just absolutely hated me, I would spend most of my lunchtimes running around the school with my back pack and in some cases without it, as he would have stolen it in last class and emptied the entire contents across the school premises, and then he would hang my back pack on top of the fence at school!
I would then spend an extra 10 minutes after the bell for class, going around and collecting as many of my items as possible and then climbing the fence and retrieving my school bag.
It didn’t matter what I said to the teachers, or who i told, it just seemed as no one cared. I was constantly bombarded with the just hide in the Library, they won’t come find you, or just go tell a teacher straight away! The problem is, the students had such a power over the teachers that most of my teachers wouldn’t even step in to stop the bullying anyway! I was basically fighting this all by myself. I think by this stage I actually stopped telling mum and dad what was going on at school, I think also they just stopped asking.
I think it might have been around 3 months after I was assaulted that I started getting headaches and feeling dizzy all the time. I was waiting for dad to get home one arvo, I don’t believe i had keys to the house, or I might have left them at home, but i remember a friend had ridden by bike past the house and said Hi for only a few seconds before he left and i was waiting alone again.
I decided to stand up and just walk down the drive way to see if dad was coming. Except I didn’t make it very far down the drive way, I passed out and it seems as though I had a bit of a seizure on the floor which absolutely scrapped half my face off it was red raw!
Dad got home and was in total shock when he saw me, I couldn’t tell him what had happened and I felt even worse when our friend who had ridden by earlier came back to say hello and saw the state I was in, knowing that he had only been up the road for 2 minutes and missed me passing out.
This one episode led to about I think 2 months worth of me passing out, or semi passing out where I could hear but not see or vice versa. I would be in bed and dad would come up to say goodnight and I wouldn’t be able to see him. I was taken to hospital for CT Scans where they found nothing wrong with my brain.
They decided to put it down to a relapse of a concussion and that’s where the diagnosis stayed. I would be running and my legs would just give out and I would wake up a couple seconds later with people all staring down at me. It was really hard to deal with especially when it wasn’t diagnosed as anything extremely dangerous.
I think this is where my attitude changed about how to deal with people, and It also changed the way I started to think about myself. I will continue this later, as once again. It is a fair bit to read. Thanks for reading once again.
Have a good evening.